Andy F.
Contact Author
Andy F.'s Story
Losing My Life
I was a Christ-follower for many years before I understood the upside down logic of my faith.
I’ve always been a big dreamer. When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and build a car like “KITT” from the TV show Knight Rider. Then in high school, I wanted to become a physicist, invent warp drive, and command a starship like the USS Enterprise. In college my professional ambitions turned towards media, and I decided I wanted to win an Emmy by the time I was 30.
None of that happened, of course. While my first two dreams where basically improbable, and the second was obtainable if not a bit farfetched, I’m still a dreamer. I’ve always wanted to do something grand, something big. I desired to achieve something that would bring me glory, fame and fulfillment in life.
As I finished graduate school and began my career in the media production business, I set my sights on someday owning my own business. At the same time, I found myself wanting to do something “big” for God. After all, I thought, isn’t that what God would want me to do? I wanted to start a company that would gain a Spielberg-like reputation and, at the same time, squeeze in jobs for various religious projects.
But then God showed me what I wanted to do “for Him” could not be accomplished on my own. And while I might have someday succeeded at my goals, I wasn’t going to find fulfillment there.
I decided to put my faith in Jesus when I was just 5 years old. I grew up going to church, Sunday school, and such. Yet it wasn’t until many years late that I finally realized the upside-down logic of what Jesus asks of those who believe in Him. Jesus said, “If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.” (Matthew 16:25)
Losing in order to gain goes against my every instinct. We’re programmed from the day we are born that winning is based on success, not failure. Sure, I can cite clichés like “winning isn’t everything.” But deep down, I long for a success in not only my profession, but also in my relationships with others and even financial security.
The upside-down logic that Jesus asks me to believe in is hard to swallow and even harder to fully comprehend. Yet in the story of my life I’ve seen this truth proven over and over. I realized that I what I truly, truly wanted could not be found on my own. The fulfillment and success I wanted for my life could only be attained by giving up my life… and taking up the true life God had given me. By letting go what my instincts told me to hold onto, I am able to find what I truly desired.
A man named Jim Elliot said it best, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”