Taylor Irby
Taylor Irby's Story
Security
A theme in my life I have struggled with is the need to be accepted and loved. I've always felt the most important thing to me is to receive approval from people I respect.
There has been a theme throughout my life about feeling insecure. I was so intimidated by people I respected that I couldn't approach them. It made me feel like a nobody and I felt like I couldn't do anything good enough.
I realized this was a problem couple of years ago when I started dating my husband. I felt like I couldn't write music as good as he, so I stopped writing music. I felt like I wasn't as smart as he so I shut down when asked a question. He approached me about this and helped me work through the issue.
The first time I remember this affecting me was in high school. The choir I was in had a clique that was led by the director and I never felt like I measured up to that standard. No matter how I tried, I never felt accepted by the group. By late high school, I got used to being rejected so I commonly threw myself a little pity party instead of following God who accepted me unconditionally. I made matters bigger and worse than they actually were. I tried to fix the problem myself by trying to be more confident and likable.
What made me realize my need for God regarding this problem was my understanding of the TRUE Gospel and knowing that Jesus did what it takes for me to have full acceptance with God. If God had not intervened, I would never had fully felt God's love for me. I think I may have gone insane or stopped trying altogether leading to true failure.
God showed me the power of the true Gospel through the Bible verse 2 Corinthians 5:21 "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us that we may be come the righteousness of God". Only Christ can be good enough...only He is perfect. I chose that moment to believe God and His Gospel message. Even though I had been a Christian for many years, I didn't truly believe that only Christ is good enough. And only in Him can I have true acceptance.
I am confident only God made the difference because people don't think of spiritual things on their own. God gives us the Holy Spirit who reminds us of these truths. Even though at times I still encounter this insecurity, I am able to recognize it and remember the Gospel. Understanding what Christ did for me has also freed me to share my gifts with those who intimidate me. My husband and I are able to play music together and I am beginning to explore songwriting again.
I now know I am secure, even when I don't feel like it. When I don't feel like I am getting through to God or I don't feel good enough, I have a confidence that I can't be good enough...only Christ can and I can't change that. With others I am free to form stronger relationships with them and I have also been able to help others struggling with this same issue.
God is the only perfect one. Only Christ's work on the cross will please Him...if I believe that truth, I have faith, which without that it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6).