Southern Born Identity

My Quest for Identity

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Story Tags

Fraternity, College, relationships, music, identity

Explore the Story

• Living to the Fullest
• Craving Acceptance
• Twists and Turns
• Finding True Love
• Identity Crisis

I finished high school in North Atlanta and headed to Auburn University looking for some activity or some accomplishment to give me an satisfying identity. I wanted to finally show others, especially girls, that I was special.

I wanted to prove myself to be a great man by being a man of many talents who could solve any problem. I wanted to appear noble to some people and daring to others. So, whether I was leading some friends on a fishing and camping adventure or playing lead guitar in a band for the biggest parties around - I was on a quest for a satisfying identity.

I viewed God as a distant spiritual reality. I viewed God as irrelevant to my quest for identity and pleasure.

My family taught me about Christianity when I was a young boy. We attended church regularly. I remember being convinced as a young boy both of the truth of and my need for Jesus Christ. But my church and community was also full of people who scoffed aspects of the story of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. I had no close friends who followed Christ in high school.

One issue keeping me from growing in faith in Christ was my misunderstanding how being a Christian should affect my identity and purpose in life. Another issue I struggled with was how to relate Christ to my desires for comfort, pleasure, and adventure as an escape from my pain.

The failure of all my attempts to satisfy my thirsts and give me the relationships I longed for finally led me to reconsider my faith in God.

A band break-up during the Fall of my Sophomore year in college opened an opportunity for me to learn to lead worship and get involved with Campus Crusade for Christ.

A quest for status and belonging in my fraternity was redirected and transformed into an opportunity to witness for Christ.

In college each of these experiences caused me to realize that I had been buying a lie that would never satisfy or lead me where I needed to go. I realized that the paths I thought would bring glory would instead bring disappointment and shame. Jesus' invitation took on a new significance to me. Jesus said "If anyone is thirsty, let them come to me and drink. He who believes in me, as the scripture said, from their innermost being will flow rivers of living water. This He spoke of the Holy Spirit. For the Holy Spirit had not yet been give because Jesus had not yet been glorified."

I began to see passions in my life like guitar and fishing actually help other people instead of trying to win their approval. I was able to begin a new life of faith in Christ and leave behind the life of striving for an identity or acceptance of my own doing.

My relationships with girls - though a little more confident and respectful than before were still immature. I would struggle with this and actually wait a while before really starting to deal with this area.

I think without a growing relationship with Christ I would be still trying to play, ride, fish, or drink through my pain and identity struggles. I am sure I would not have such a promising marriage with Emily and two incredibly sweet and beautiful daughters.

God has taught me that nothing I can do will ever give me a name or an experience worth living for. I am much more broken and sinful than I would have previously admitted. Not only do I need Jesus to die for my sins. I need His Holy Spirit to change my corrupted heart which constantly ignores and rejects God's willingness and ability to transform me. I have begun to taste the joy and thrill of being an ambassador for Christ Jesus in the world. Finally, I am beginning to enjoy the acceptance of being an adopted child of God through faith in Jesus Christ.