Lynn Dawkins
Lynn Dawkins's Story
So It Wasn't My Year
Since coming home from Slovakia, I have struggled with feeling useless and unwanted. I realized it was a struggle from a lack of faith, and by giving it to God, He released the struggle and gave me a sense of purpose.
It started last May. And it was a complete surprise, because it followed the best year of my adult life. Yes, that second year of my internship with Campus Crusade in Slovakia was incredible, but it was ending. I hated saying goodbye to the team and students I loved, a city I knew, and a culture that easily fit my personality. But I comforted myself with the knowledge that I would return to my family and friends who had missed me so much. I said my goodbyes, cried all the way home, and ran into the arms of my family. My best friends would have been at the airport, but their husbands and jobs kept them. The next day my sister could not hang out, but she asked if I could babysit. My mom wanted me to get an exercise plan for her, and my aunt needed me to tutor my cousin. I hated my new job and school, and no one had time for me. I tried to fix things by praying more, leading a Bible study, and applying to join a high school ministry called Student Venture. Yet I still had no idea what I was supposed to do, and I definitely was not happy. I felt so completely purposeless and alone. One day while running around the lake, I burst into tears. I cried out to God, and He comforted me. He did not fix everything, He just reminded me that He was there. And I realized I had always believed He was with me and would guide me, but I was lacking in faith. Hebrews chapter 11 reminds me that those who follow the Lord are not always going to be in happy circumstances. He does not promise that, but He does promise to be here with us and a future hope. My life did not completely turn around. I faced many heartbreaks this semester, some of the hardest actually. But God is always here, sending someone to encourage me or just opening a new door for me to enter. So the bad year may or may not end this month, either way, I am hopeful and God is here.