Not Fashion Show Religion

I was the president of this club, queen of that, captin of this.... In my mind I tried to rationalize my actions thinking, "I am a good person, I do all these good things, God MUST be proud of me."

Story Tags

overwhelmed, addiction, identity, childhood, emptiness, high school, approval, drinking, College

Explore the Story

• Identity Crisis
• Where's God in suffering?
• Craving Acceptance
• Twists and Turns
• The Hole in Our Heart
• Finding True Love
• Living to the Fullest

I grew up in the very LARGE town of Griffin, GA, home of the world famous Super Walmart. Believe it or not, my town actually had a PARADE to celebrate its grand opening two years ago with fire trucks and the school marching band!

I was raised in a very Christian and loving home. When I was twelve years old I went to a church camp and saw an incredible skit. I remember sitting in the audience watching as my fellow campmates stacked shoe boxes into a tower with different sins such as lying, cheating, and stealing written on them. Sitting in my seat, I kept thinking about how I was wearing my sister's shirt that I has STOLEN from her. I was a sinner. Then a kid who represented Jesus Christ came and knocked down the barrier of sin and lifted the sinners up to God. In my twelve year old mind, I knew and accepted the actions of the skit as truth that they ment I was a sinner and fell short of the expectations of God but through Jesus Christ alone, I could know God personally and experience his love for me.

As the summer ended, I returned home to a church that was more of a fashion show than a place of growth. I was not taught what it was like to have a personal relationship with God and soon felt very empty.

When I started high school, I tried to fill the emptiness up with achievements. I was the president of this club, queen of that, captin of this.... In my mind I tried to rationalize my actions thinking, "I am a good person, I do all these good things, God MUST be proud of me." But I was too busy for God. These things distanced me from him.

Senior year, my friends started getting into the party scene-- and even though I resisted at first, after being around the alcohol so much, I became ammune to it. Needless to say, I partied a lot and tried to fill the emptiness in my life up with a bottle.

When I started college at the University of GA, I went through a sorority rush. At that time, I wanted to join the sorority with the prettiest and most fun girls-- because in my mind college was all about frat parties. However God had a different plan for me.

A few weeks into school, some senior girls started pursuing me to come to their bible study. At first I resisted, but finally I gave in. At that point, I realized that God missing from my life was the emptiness I felt. Not only did I realize that God needed to be my savior, like I did when I was 12-- but also in CONTROL of my life. At first, I had a hard time forgiving myself for the lying, drinking and betraying I had done--but then I realized that if GOD, the only person in this world who matters can forgive me, the one who offers salvation, then I can forgive myself. I now feel as if God put me through those times of emptiness to show me how faithful he is. He never turned his back on me during those hard times, but I turned my back on him. God put me through all that to show me that their is light at the end of the tunnel-- and even though I still have bad days-- I know that I am not perfect but I have the assurance of knowing that I will spend eternity with the one who is!!!