Katie Madden
Katie Madden's Story
Good Through Grief
My dad was killed in a car wreck about three years ago. Only by the love of God am I able to overcome the trauma of this tragedy.
About three years ago, my dad was killed in a car wreck. This totally devastated me and my family. I had so many worries along with my grief, like whether my family was financially going to make it and how my mom and brothers were doing emotionally. I felt so many emotions; some of them were deep sorrow, anger, frustration, and confusion. My world was totally shaken.
I immediately asked God why this happened to my dad and why he was taken from my family. His death was so unexpected and traumatic. I knew that the only way I was going to make it through my grief was to rely on the strength of God. In the following days, I had my friends read to me from the Bible as I just listened and cried. So much emotion was overflowing within me.
Grief is a long process. The hardest time I have had in this came about six or so months after his death. I had gradually become very down, and I felt very far away from God. I was not experiencing the peace that I knew that He wanted me to have, and I definitely was not joyful. I had somehow lost hope. I did not know what to do with my sorrow and grief and emotion. At the peak of my sadness, the Lord revealed to me very clearly through my discipler that it is truly okay to be sad and to grieve. It is okay to ask God questions and ask Him to reveal more of Himself; it is His desire for us to search for and to know Him and to be real with Him and experience His comfort and love.
I cannot tell you that I am finished with the grieving process. But I also cannot dwell on the "what ifs" and "whys." If I had not allowed God to begin to work through my grief and show me so much more about myself and who He is, I would still be covered and consumed with sorrow and unable to continue living to glorify Him. I have to trust in His love for me and that He is my all-knowing Father that desires my best. I have to trust that He is in control of my life and of all aspects of my dad's death.
God was working in my situation from the very beginning. He was always there throughout the entire experience. His presence became obvious to me when I began to truly seek Him to overcome my grief. In the Bible, Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." The Lord gave me and is still giving me so much wisdom and knowledge about Him. He taught me more about my purpose in life-I live for Him, to glorify Him. He taught me so much about who I am, and He deepened who I am. I see the Lord's love through this experience, and I see how He has used it for His good.
Not too long ago, a day came when I realized that I was going to be okay. Since I began taking my grief to God, I began to feel God's peace within me concerning my dad's death. I learned that, though I may not always feel "outer" joy, I have an "inner" joy because of my hope that is in Christ Jesus. I am humbly going through the grieving process, day by day, walking with my loving God.
It has been almost a year since my dad's death. I am still dealing with grief, and I am growing and learning. I have gained more faith in what is unseen, faith in God's plan and involvement in my life. As we all are, I am at the mercy of God-and that is a good thing! He is in control of my life, and He loves me. In my life, I have to humble myself before Him and trust in Him in order to have any peace or fulfilling joy in this world. That joy and peace is so amazing! I am seeing the many ways in which God loves me. I am seeking Him and wanting to know Him more. That is what God wants for us-to really know Him and depend on Him because He loves us. Hard times are going to come, but God is always here, ready to teach, comfort, and pour out His wisdom and love.