Elijah Windsor
Elijah Windsor's Story
My Illusion Leads to Girl Confusion
How God has changed my view of women and dating relationships
I always thought that having the right girl in my life would make me happy, would solve my problem of low self-confidence, and nothing would ever go wrong - I wouldn't have fights with her or anything. I always pictured this relationship where she's the dream girl waiting for me, and when I arrive on the scene I'm the only one who can make her smile.
Because of this, I went out and always seemed to be looking at every girl I saw and at least in the back of my mind I would think, "hmm, what if..." It was hard for me to have any female friendships because of this.
The worst part was when this girl and I started drifting apart after dating for about ten months. I had already done things with her that I don't recommend people do so early in relationships, such as the whole physical game, saying "I love you", and talking a lot about marriage, as if it is going to fix the drifting. I was very dependent on her. I didn't really like myself much before we started dating, and us breaking up only worsened it. I felt more empty than before I had started dating her, and I felt I had no real purpose in my life anymore.
Those feelings stayed with me for about 5 months. If I had kept looking for answers in having the right girl in my life, I would still be seeking everything in a girl, and if I had a girlfriend I would be putting pressure on her that she shouldn't have.
I saw God working in the situation when I realized that several doors down from my dormroom, there was a Bible study going on. So being raised Christian and having received Christ early in my life, I thought it would be a nice place to look for answers. I could talk to leaders of the study about personal situations in my life and be comfortable knowing that they're not going to make fun of me for whatever the situation may be, and were gonna help me through it with advice and prayer.
Since I started going to that Bible study, I really saw God come alive. Before, I had heard millions of speakers, tapes, and tv shows where pastors were like, "God is with you. He will do great works in you. He is the answer," and things like that, but it really started to come alive my freshman year. I felt God's presence a lot more than I had any time before then. I decided to rededicate my life to God. Being involved in the Bible study and other things that went on, I saw more and more that God is the reason I am here, not a girl. The highest point since I gave my life back to Christ would have to be now. God has recently shown me that I'm alright being single. He's let me know that I need to love myself. I didn't really go through much of my life loving myself much, but now I'm trying to start to love myself, as weird as that may sound.
I still struggle with seeing women as only friends, as I'm sure a lot of guys do, but trust me - where I'm at now is a HUGE step forward from where I was. God has been good in a lot of ways, giving me female friends in which I can just go chill with and He's taken my focus off of "finding the right girl" and put it to building up friendships. I still have my interests in women, of course, and I still am confused about women and what I would be looking for in a mate. But at the same time I'm not all worked up when something little happens, I'm not basing my self-worth on how a girl acts towards me. God's helped me through that. I still struggle with sometimes putting a girl I may have interest in before God, but it's in the works - God's gonna pull me through. I can say that because He has brought me this far already, I trust Him to keep changing me. One day I believe I am going to be with that right woman and step up and be a true man in the relationship. Yea yea!