Jennifer Jones
Jennifer Jones's Story
Where's the Top of the Ladder?
From the outside it looked like I had everything, yet I still felt completely alone and lacking significance.
It was like I would get to the top of the ladder, just to have someone show me that there were 50 more rungs to climb. Throughout my life, I've been plagued with the idea that achievement would bring happiness and success or if I had the best of everything, then I would be happy. Something was missing from my life, and I was under the impression that by fulfilling and achieving all these wonderful and great things, I would find what was missing, or if I had everything I wanted, then I would be satisfied.
Because of this, I constantly tried to be the best at everything, despite the consequences. I would look out only for myself, and I became extremely selfish and self-absorbed. Along with that, I tried to own everything I could get my hands on, from clothes to cars. My life became characterized by what I owned.
The hardest part was when I had everything I thought I could possibly want and achieved everything I really wanted to achieve. In my second year of high school, I had the car I wanted, I was playing basketball for the best team in the district, I was co-captain of my team, I had great grades, and I was in the "in crowd." From the outside it looked like I had everything, yet I still felt completely alone and lacking significance.
If I had continued down this path of trying to find my worth in achieving things and owning the most stuff, I would have ended up becoming more competitive that I already was. I would have become more self-absorbed and selfish. I think I would have become increasingly unhappy because I would have realized that NOTHING was going to give me that significance that I was looking for.
I saw God working in the situation when I got more and more unhappy. I started to realize all these things that I thought would bring me the worth I desired kept letting me down. I knew there had to be something more, something bigger than achievements and possessions. My English teacher saw how unhappy I was, and talked to me on a few occasions. She got me involved in Young Life, a high school ministry. The summer after my sophomore year, I went to a week long summer camp with them, where someone showed me that I could find happiness and self-worth in Jesus Christ.
I've been increasingly free since God showed me that my acceptance and worth isn't found in my achievements. Anything I do that isn't of eternal value will mean nothing in eternity. Since God showed me this, I've come to the realization that I don't have to be the best at everything; I don't have to own everything.
Since then, I still struggle with trying to find my worth in achievements rather than in Christ. When I get around certain people, I become extremely competitive. But, God continues to remind me and show me that everything that I chase after besides Him will let me down.