Kristy Allen
Kristy Allen's Story
The Great GPA Chase
By the end of the year, I had a great GPA, but I had lost all joy that I'd had before. I was bitter, lonely, and depressed.
Throughout my life, I've always valued getting good grades, doing well in school, and being successful in the eyes of my family, friends, teachers, and employers. During high school, it was easy for me to get good grades, so I gradually began to find my self-worth in my grades and school. When I got to college, I naturally carried this mentality over into my work there. However, as classes got more difficult, and teachers got harder, I began to pour so much of my time and effort into getting good grades, that I began neglecting things that were vitally important to me- like my family, my friends, my relationship with God, and even sleep.
By the end of the year, I had a great GPA, but I had lost all joy that I'd had before. I was bitter, lonely, and depressed.
The worst times were the weeks around finals. I would barely sleep at all just so that I could get the last few moments studying. I was basing all of my self-worth on how I did on my finals and what my final grades were.
If I had continued basing my self-worth on my grades, I think I would have become very bitter and angry at myself, at my school, at people, at God. When my grades were good, I would have felt successful and happy, but during the year, I would have been a slave to my schoolwork in an endless pursuit of success.
Thank goodness God allowed me to come to Bosnia during the summer after my freshman year of college. I think that one reason God wanted me to come to Bosnia was because it took me out of the situation at school and allowed me to look back and realize that I was headed down the wrong path. Not only was I obsessing about my grades, but I was also neglecting my relationship with Him. In Bosnia, God surrounded me with friends who were intent on making Him first in everything that they did. This was such a blessing to me. Being in Bosnia allowed me to totally recenter my focus on Him, where it should have been all along.
Realizing that I don't have to base my self-worth on grades and success, but instead that I can base it on Jesus Christ has opened the door to peace and freedom. I know now that I don't have to prove myself to anyone by making good grades. Jesus valued me so much that he came to earth to take the punishment for my sins, that I deserved. God loves me so much that He calls me a daughter. And these things never change. They don't require me to make good grades, they don't require me to be really good, to have it all together, or to be successful. They are free gifts, and I only have to accept them.
Since God helped me to realize that, I've had much more peace and joy in my life. Sometimes my tendency is to go back to how I was and to start focusing on success too much. But God is faithful to bring me back and to forgive me when I sin and value success more than I value Him. This past year has been much better than my first. I have been able to better balance my time to include friends and family and sleep, but most importantly, I've been able to keep God as my first priority. And He has always been faithful to me.