Amy Daniel's Story

Fence Walking

Growing up, I felt torn between trying to please my friends and trying to do what I knew God wanted me to do.

Story Tags

dating, addiction, approval, relationships, childhood, College, loneliness

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Growing up, I felt torn between trying to please my friends and trying to do what I knew God wanted me to do. I would get into situations where there would be one of two paths to take. It was always hard for me to do what I knew I should, and many times I would ignore that voice in my head telling me not to do the things that weren't right because I wanted to be accepted. Besides, every time that voice came up, there was always the "other" voice telling me that choice really wasn't that bad.

Because of these situations, I found myself doing things that I wasn't proud of. I would always have a few friends hanging out with me who were trying to make the right decisions as well; they were in youth group with me so they knew about God too. But the more we were around our friends who didn't care about doing the right thing, the more the "right thing" became less important. Eventually, we were compromising most of the truths we had grown up learning in youth group in order to boost our popularity and acceptance. The more we went after building our popularity, the more severe the consequences between right and wrong became. Once I got to college, it became harder and harder to be "noticed". These weren't the friends I had grown up with so the only thing we had in common was the choices we were making while in college. We all chose to drink, we all chose to go out late and stay out, we all chose to set our sights on ourselves and eventually the friends I thought I had weren't concerned with me at all.

I was still dating my boyfriend from high school when I came to college. He also went to my university and he was a year older. In high school he had been the all-star football player and popular guy that every girl wanted to date. When we finally started dating, my "status" in our high school suddenly shifted from a quiet, shy nobody to "Mike's" girlfriend. I had it all after that; I was immediately accepted into the popular crowd for good. When I came to college, I was immediately accepted by the largest fraternity on campus too, but I thought I could "do better". I thought I could find someone even more popular, more attractive, who would be even "better" for me. Mike and I broke up and I began going to parties with my roommate and searching for "Mr. Right". After an unsuccessful, hurtful first semester, I realized that my "Mr. Right" from home wasn't too bad and we got back together.

Finally, I was with the guy that was actually perfect for me all along. We were high school sweethearts, he truly loved me and cared about me, and it was perfect. All of my girlfriends were dating his guy friends, and he had been involved in youth group too. But, perfect began to feel lonely and disappointing after countless arguments and a growing emptiness that I couldn't understand. Joy was hard to come by. The parties and social events we attended as the "perfect couple" just weren't very fulfilling anymore. I couldn’t' figure out why I wasn't happy, but there is only one reason I could come up with as to why; I must really be with the wrong guy. I needed time to figure out who was right for me, to look in a different area than the first time; no more parties no more clubs, I would look for a truly nice "Mr. Right" this time.

I found myself back in the party scene, only with different people this time. Mr. Right was no where to be found...rock bottom. In the past, I would turn to the Lord when there just wasn't any other way, so that's what I did in this case. I decided to share a little of my problem with Him. I began praying for a group of reliable friends who would truly care for me, who I could trust to point me in the right direction.

The Lord quickly revealed to me that He was Mr. Right the whole time and that the only guy I needed was Christ as Lord of my life. I had simplified Him by only acknowledging Him as my Savior and not my Lord and Savior. I had never surrendered to His leading and not my own. If Christ had not redeemed me from that empty, cold, lonely state I was in I would have continued to seek after what I thought was right all the while leading me deeper and deeper into misery.

I had strength to say goodbye through tears and major heart break to the guy that I had always pictured marrying. I saw God working as He steered me away from another group of friends who were just as lost when I led myself straight to them for refuge. I felt God working when He showed me the emptiness in EVERY area of my life that I was trying to find happiness in except one ...HIM. I felt God working when He revealed to me that if I didn't make time for Him, then nothing else mattered. Slowly He took my eyes off the world and fixed them on Him. And miraculously, as I stopped looking to the world, I was never without anything that my heart desired. Finally, I felt contentment and I am living in it everyday, following Him to places I never would have dreamed of. The most amazing part of the whole journey is that I have never reached an end to my joy, it is never fully complete, and it only continues to grow to depths I didn't know existed!

Since then I have had struggles and I have desired to be popular and to be accepted. I have seen God cause people to find favor in me because of Him. I have felt unconditional love from friends because their love was from Him. I have been given strength in Christ to remain joyous even through life’s ups and downs. The bad things don't destroy my joy like they used to, they only make me stronger as I turn to Him for perseverance in this race of life.