Holly Johnson
Holly Johnson's Story
From Agnostic to Christian
I learned something new to me: Christianity was about "having a relationship with God". I had never heard anything like that before. Before I thought Christianity was about being on your best behavior.
When I was in high school, I was very unhappy. I don't know how many people are truly fulfilled at that point in their lives, but I knew the people who told me "these are the best years of your life" were 100% wrong. I was very unhappy and I fed on my anger and bitterness. I had a very pessimistic and sardonic attitude.
My attitude was not working to make me happier or to make people like any more. I hurt a lot of people with my sarcastic remarks. If I didn't want to be around me, why would anyone else?
I was misreble plain and simple. I really didn't know what I was doing in life or where I was going. I just lashed out at people all the time even though they weren't responsible for how I felt.
I remember one day in my sophomore year of high school, I made a really rude remark in my English class. I could see that I really hurt the teacher it was directed at. One of my classmates even told me how nasty I was being. After that I could feel my heart sink, but I didn't know how to act even remotely nice toward people, because I had been so mean for so long.
Toward the end of my junior year of high school, I had some people come into my life who changed me for the better. At that point, I knew that my attitude wasn't working and that I wanted to change. I wasn't sure how to change, but I knew that I really wanted and needed to change.
God had been working in my life all along through high school to draw me closer to Him. I just never saw it. He placed Christians in my life who knew how to show others that they cared about them and that they mattered.
One of them in particular knew that I was an agnostic, but she invited me to "friend day" at her church anyway. Later, she told me that Christianity was about "having a relationship with God". I had never heard anything like that before. I thought Christianity was about being on your best behavior. That gave me something to think about and a few weeks later, I realized that I was ashamed of the way I had lived and that I wanted to live for God.
Since that time my life has radically changed. I turned to God when I was a senior in high school. I am now a sophomore in college.
I have so much joy in my life. I have better relationships with people and have no desire to let bitterness and anger consume me. I don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing if I didn't have God. I never envisioned myself majoring in Biology at Va Tech, but here I am.
I recently told one of my friends what I was like when I was in high school and she doesn't believe me and she thinks I am making it all up.
I don't think the changes in my attitude happened over night, but looking back I can see how much I've grown in the past two years. I had to have a true change of heart on the inside in order to change what was reflected on the outside.
I'm continually finding areas of my life I can change in order to be more like the person that God wants me to be. Even though I cannot be perfect, I know that there is no other way that I could live my life, except for God, and have any kind of real fulfillment.