Prone to Wander

Giving my life to God hasn't meant an instant removal of my selfish ways

Story Tags

forgiveness, College, depression, success

Explore the Story

• Craving Acceptance
• Forgive and forget?
• Living to the Fullest
• Identity Crisis
• The Hole in Our Heart
• Where's God in suffering?

I realized that I needed a relationship with God and I asked Him to forgive me when I was 13 at my Christian High School, that is the beginning of my spiritual journey. That being said, my story is that, I did not start to totally live for Christ straight from the beginning. Sure I saw a change, I found a great Christian radio station, started to buy Christian music, started to meet great Christian friends. But in my heart I was still living for myself.

Because of this, I had practically no spiritual growth for several years, almost six in fact. Soon sin ,falling short of the holines of Jesus, began to overtake me. It became a habit very quickly and I could not break free from it, even though I was saved already.

The worst part was when I finally started to get convicted. What happened was that, I finally realized that I was doing something wrong, but instead of fixing the problem, Satan knocked me down into a pit of depression. He made me think, "how could you be a Christian and do the things you do." What made matters worse was that others looked up to me as a leader, and I knew that if they knew my heart then they would've been discouraged.

Slowly I started to realize the facts that Jesus has taken my sin, and God has forgiven and forgotten them all. Even the ones I will do. If this "lifesaver" did not come when it did, there are a few people that would not have been affected by God, and I know that I would not have decided to go to the University of Tampa, because my main decision to go there was that I wanted to minister to the student body through Campus Crusade.

I saw God working in my situation when I noticed that very strong Biblical lessons showed me that God had forgiven me and I could let these things go. It seemed like practically every sermon I heard in that period of conviction was telling me just to let it go.

Because of God's intervention I have noticed that my fellowship with friends has increased greatly. Especially this summer I was able to just knock down the walls between others and I to just have fun. Coming to the point where I now have several best friends who look after me and I look after them.

Since then my past keeps tempting me, but I have started to read the Word more. I just realized not long ago that when these temptations come I can rejoice that Jesus has overcome them and I am forgiven, I don't have to fall into these temptations because I know that God has always given me a way out. Looking back on my life, I see almost every instance where a back door was opened but I didn't see it because I was blind to what God had done for me.

Pray for me earnestly though. I want to live a pure life for Christ so I need to keep my heart with Him and for my heart not to wander.