Roddy Benton
Roddy Benton's Story
No Longer Hollow
How I found purpose
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It was graduation day, and I thought that I had everything figured out. I had lived a good life. I had been involved with my church from a young age and gone to a Christian school my whole life. I was all set. Now I was ready to go off to college and succeed in whatever it was that I decided. Right?
I was absolutely wrong. I realized that I had my focus in the wrong place. I was living for myself. Everything that I had based my life on was by itself worthless. My life felt hollow, and I did not understand why. Confusion took over.
The most painful part of this realization was later that night as I lay in bed. My illusions from earlier that day were shattered, and I realized that I truly had no idea what I was living for or where I was going in life. Life seemed meaningless. I felt completely out of control and fell asleep in tears, afraid of my uncertain future.
If things had gone on in that way, I am not sure where I would be today. Living without a basis for my life, without a valid purpose, life would be pale and hollow. The desperation that consumed me that night would be something that I would have to face daily. However, this is not it turned out for me.
I clearly saw God working in the situation the moment that I asked Him for help. I had plenty of head knowledge about God. I had accepted Christ into my heart at a young age, but I had never truly sought after Him. I prayed and asked God to give me direction and purpose. Finally understanding what had been wrong all of this time, I realized that my life was truly not my own to begin with. All this time, I had been trying to run the show. All this time, my life had not truly been God's. In answer to my prayer, God led to become involved with the Campus Crusade for Christ group on my campus, and there I found a group of people who desired to live for Christ. Through this group, God drew me close to Him as I began to focus on Christ.
Though my life is far from perfect, it is now based on what it should be. It is based on Christ Jesus my Savior. It is for Him I live and Him alone. Since my freshmen year of college, God has shown me that He can use me in any way that He wants because I am seeking Him. I have been blessed to see Him use me as a leader towards others on my campus and to spread His gospel, things that I would never even consider doing were my life based on me and my own desires as it was before.
Since then, I have realized that my life is far from meaningless. The hollowness that I felt that night is never to return. In Christ, my life is more meaningful that I can understand. I still struggle with trying to live for myself. I still make mistakes that draw my focus away from God, but God is faithful. My story is not yet finished; but I desire to pursue Christ, wherever that may take me, to the end.