Kelley Maloney
Kelley Maloney's Story
Peacemaker
Every relationship goes through conflict. Instead of lashing out or bailing out, I'm now finding the secret to resolving conflict. . .
At about fifteen years of age, I sat in the floor of my bathroom praying and crying onto the pages of my Bible. It was not an unfamiliar situation--my dad and my brother were in his room arguing.
Hearing that and seeing the results tore me up inside. Every time I would think, "there must be something I can do to make them get along." I wanted to say something extremely hurtful but convicting to Dad to make him back down. I wanted to console Jess without making Dad think I was choosing sides. I wanted to teach them how to argue well. I thought I could somehow fix the problems causing those situations. I carried this sense of responsibility into every relationship since then.
During my senior year of college, one of my roommates stopped initiating conversation with me and was very short with me. She was obviously upset with me for something, and despite my efforts to talk with her, she wouldn't tell me what was the matter. Over a month went by without more than a couple of words between us. I wrote her notes, asked her questions, invited her to do things with me--nothing would get her to talk to me. This tortured me. I felt responsible for the discord in the apartment--felt like I needed to fix it--just like I needed to fix the issues with Dad and Jess. I actually considered moving out. If nothing had changed, I would have.
But something did change--and that something was me. God showed me through Jesus' example (Matthew 10:13-14) that I was not responsible for the discord in our apartment. After my attempts to reconcile, my only responsibility was to cut my roommate loose--to free her to respond however she chose without owing me anything.
The situation remained the same for a while--we still didn't talk. But when we were both in the same silent room for any length of time, I was no longer uncomfortable. I had the peace of knowing I had done what I could do, and I was free from responsibility and guilt. The twist? SHE began to feel more and more uncomfortable with the situation. She had the opportunity to see that it was her turn to act because God had enabled me to quit taking so many turns in a row. That's not fair in any game--it was hurting both of us in this one. Then, on a cold February morning as she left for our tennis class (all four roommates took the same class), my roommate spoke to me. It was just some simple, ordinary question that she asked me, but SHE SPOKE TO ME. I answered--stunned--from my bedroom upstairs, and she closed the front door behind her. I truly thought I might explode, I was so excited. We continued to warm back up to each other, but she never brought up what had bothered her so much before--despite my occasional invitations.
Right now I'm living at home while raising financial support to go to Tampa, Florida with Campus Crusade for Christ. As anybody who's lived away from home for any length of time can attest, moving back in has its difficult moments. But God continues to use those to make me into a woman who can live in the peace that He gives--the peace that Jesus Christ Himself IS (Ephesians 2:14)--regardless of my circumstances.